In this clever essay, I won’t complain about the food. In fact, food is the best part of the whole goddam ordeal –
Well into 2015 already! I can’t believe how quickly time flies. The Commonwealth games seem like only yesterday, and less than 12 months ago planes didn’t vanish and Rolf Harris was a good bloke. AND I was still going out of my way to accidently squash boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts with my bags on flights back from Melbourne. Now the bastards have set up here in Perth and it’s the talk of the town. You can now have your very own incredibly normal donut for a mere 1.5 hour wait at the lovely Whitfords City shopping centre, just two hours north of Perth. So worth it.
A famous scientist recently proved that if you don’t like Indian curry then you’re an idiot. I always thought as much, but it was good to know for sure. Check out Scientific Facts (vol 12, pp. 204) if you don’t believe me. It’s a good read anyway. I often refer to it to solve arguments. In fact, just the other day I used it to prove to someone that cacao actually does taste like possum shit and that while it may be a superfood, by eating it, you will inevitably become a super-douche. But Indian curry1 is good. Real good. And yet, I am forced to complain.
People are funny about food. Have you noticed? Think long enough about the people you know and how they relate to food and some fairly damn odd behaviour will start occurring to you. Peculiarities and some downright not-normal activity. Mostly, we’re all just pigs. But within the pigs there are classes, sub-cultures and quirks. Let me highlight a few.
It’s somewhere between 2013 and 2014 and you want to succeed on a cooking show? Then follow this simple recipe.
Here’s a good trick. Tell someone you just had THE BEST BURGER EVER at the newest gourmet burger bar down the road (but up the stairs and under the pond) and watch them disappear like David Copperfield’s wife’s pants. They will undoubtedly return as pleased as punch telling you and everyone else that it was the best $24 they ever spent. And you can smile to yourself. Continue reading